Bringing it all to the Boyle
As the artistic director of the Olympic opening ceremony, he gave a two-finger salute to the daunting task of matching Beijing’s £64 million spectacular four years ago.
With less than half of that money, 20,000 volunteers and the usual British gung-ho attitude of lots of imagination and a sticking-plaster or two, Boyle’s was certainly a lot more fun.
A sky-diving Queen, a moody-faced Daniel Craig, flying Mary Poppinses and a soundtrack every bit as essential as his movies, from Trainspotting to 127 Hours. His “think of the craziest thing we could do – and why not?” approach clearly gave him the guts to go to the Queen and ask if she’d play along.
So maybe we should feel lucky he didn’t decide to bring the diving-down-a-mucky-toilet scene from Trainspotting to glorious stadium-filling life just for the hell of it.
Then the useful dance featured on Saturday’s Paddy McGuinness’s ITV quiz Mad Mad World – where a female aerobic group danced out “I’ve got a bad case of diarrhoea” – could have been pretty useful.
But comedy Twenty Twelve’s commission – well-schooled under leader Ian Fletcher (Hugh Bonneville) from diverting the sh*t from the Olympic fan (eco-friendly, naturally) – finally got deliverance last Tuesday.
The comedy provided the usual fireworks in the last episode – this time almost literally – as Boyle’s firework display risked triggering ground-to-air missiles.
There were also a few massive hints about the opening ceremony three days later. But, as usual, they made reality sound like pure fiction.
Live sheep? Pah.
Paul McCartney? Never.
Ian’s spoof letter in Radio Times two issues ago referring to the empty seats fiasco... er, that’s a bit spooky.
And farewell then PR girl extraordinaire Siobhan, created by Jessica Hynes as a model for all posh birds wanting to specialise in brainstorming while only in possession of two living brain cells.
She was on top form, introducing Ian with the ultimate accolade: “Ian Fletcher, he’s, like, head of serious sh*t”.
Trouble was, as all the Olympic madness around him was ending, Ian couldn’t quite declare his love for PA Sally (Olivia Colman of the longing eyes and quivering lip).
“That’s not a problem,” she told him generously, letting him off the hook before he’d even stuttered a word.
And not a problem in sight either for this year’s book sensation – one sold every second in the UK on the back of word of mouth and a lot of BDSM.
BDSM – not a driving school, as one of the many talking heads on Sex Story: Fifty Shades of Grey suggested with a naughty grin.
No. BDSM is bondage, domination and sado-masochism, as you will know if you are one of the in-crowd enjoying E L James’ Fifty Shades of Grey, the summer’s hottest book. And that’s hot as in both super popular and steamy.
It’s proving a page-turner all over the world with 30 million copies sold – all wrapped up in the story of millionaire macho-man Grey and his innocent student love Anastasia.
The Channel 4 documentary picked up on everything from the fact it’s the first million-seller on Kindle to following sex-toy specialists Ann Summers’ “Fifty Shades” team trying to keep up with demand.
The many interviewees included female writers, such as bonkbuster queen Jilly Cooper (“My safe word ... er, ‘ouch’?”). But the programme didn’t convince you Fifty Shades... isn’t just the latest writing sensation the publishers didn’t see coming – like JK Rowling, Dan Brown or Twilight’s Stephenie Meyer.
In the end, views divided over whether the daring lovemaking would impact on real sex.
Writer Kathy Lette said: “If from this book men learn anything about what women want, it’s ‘worship me darling’.”
“This will change your wife!” grinned writer’s agent Jonny Geller, who revealed a porn storm from E L James wannabes had started. “We’ve renamed the slush pile, the blush pile!”
Disappointingly maybe, a film buff reckoned the planned Fifty Shades film will be less raunchy than the book.
I hear Boyle likes a challenge...
