American vice-president’s hatred for Europe and Wick-Aberdeen flights keep us grounded
YOUR VIEWS: Readers of the John O’Groat Journal and Caithness Courier have their say on the hot topics of the week
Imagine what goes on in America…
There are various WhatsApp groups where people discuss how annoying their husbands are, or what they should make for dinner that night.
But they rarely digress from these conversations to explain their war plans for an imminent set of airstrikes on the Houthis in Yemen.
But, spookily enough, that’s exactly what happened with the top team at the Whitehouse. They all knew that glitches can happen, and they knew Donald Trump would have their backs.
The US president was quizzed about the security breach, and the release of highly classified information, but insisted a big boy (Mike Waltz) had done it and ran away.
Another notable headline was JD Vance dissing Europe again.
“What are they moaning about now, especially as they haven’t had a war since the Romanian Peasants Revolt in 1907, and where is Europe anyway?” (JD was not the sharpest tool in the box, and still claimed that Haitian migrants ate their cats, and as only aliens do that, deportation was inevitable.)
Yes, every morning we wake up and it’s straight to check our phones to see what that little scamp POTUS has been up to. Has he gone on holiday with Putin, to relax and think of ways they can humiliate Vladimir Zelensky, then take over his country or, would they discuss Putin’s “mates rates” for any family trips he plans to take at one of Gaza Riviera’s chain of hotels? (Note to self: remind Benjamin that the bombing can stop then).
They giggled about an acceptable price to charge Elon Musk for the use of the Oval Office as a crèche, and should he be wielding a chainsaw as a form of punishment for any child who misbehaves (has no one told him about the naughty step?).
They returned home after their 14-day trip, satisfied those two weeks on the eastern coast of Jerusalem had been a blast. TT’s (Tesla’s Taxis) had been booked in advance. Trump hugged Putin and suggested they make this a weekly thing. The Russian president agreed.
During his taxi ride home Donald mused about his diary for tomorrow. A round of golf at Mar-a-Lago in the morning, lunch with JD, then achieve world peace in the afternoon, oh, and decide which suit to wear the following day, when he collects his Nobel Peace prize.
His grandiose deliberations were interrupted when he realised that the pesky driver had taken him to 1601 Pennsylvania Ave. “It’s 1600 you idiot.” Second note to self… ask the Muskrat if he could borrow his chainsaw to dismember all Tesla drivers, and dismantle the Department of Transport.
His positive mood disappeared and there was only one thing to do. Sign an Executive Order stating that from now on he should spend the rest of his term on a golf course, probably the new one created on the Gaza Riviera. It would recharge his batteries for his third term in office, when his sycophantic yes men had got off their lazy backsides and dissolved the 12th amendment.
He sighed; his positive mood returned. “If I’m quick, I can take over Canada, Greenland, the Gulf of Mexico and Panama before lunch.”
All in all it had been a great holiday.
Fiona Murray
Weydale
By Thurso
Flights of fancy
We spend a lot of time complaining (usually rightly so) about local and national politicians. Sometimes though, there are rare occasions when we have to grudgingly accept that they’re more perceptive than we think and are able to understand the needs of us plebs and how to go about identifying and meeting them.
So, here was I, a simple voter, thinking that the Wick/Aberdeen, “You Pays Your Money You Takes Your Chances” airline link was no more than that. The plane might turn up or it might not, which is part of the fun, I suppose, and if it doesn’t turn up then you’ll get your money back (I think) and there’s no harm done (I hope).
If you’re an oil worker and can’t get to work, then tough luck. Just get into your overweight, climate killer SUV guzzler with some mates and drive to Aberdeen. You know that every time you turn the ignition on a baby dolphin dies, but hey, the money’s good.
My mistake, of course, was that I didn’t know that the air service was of use to others and not just offshore types. This is where our politicians come in. Reading the Courier last week, I realised how important the air link is.
Raymond Bremner, the Godfather of Glenurquhart Road, told us that the “flights between Wick and Aberdeen… can help in enabling a wealth of opportunities in the region” for years to come. He hailed it as a testament to the power of partnership working. Hmm, “partnership working” and “Raymond Bremner” aren’t words one usually sees written in close proximity to each other (see Avonlea).
The continued provision of Wick/Aberdeen flights will, according to him, bring access to employment, education, healthcare and leisure opportunities.
As if this wasn’t enough, to the sound of distant trumpets and a banging drum, comes St Maree of the Todd, wafting in on a breeze from Holyrood. Modestly she tells us how she “stressed to Scotland’s transport secretary, Fiona Hyslop” (soon to retire) that, among other things, the air link could play “a vital role in combating depopulation while ensuring the long-term sustainability of our rural communities”.
Echoing the Godfather, St Maree further states that this isn’t just any old air link we’re talking about, but a “lifeline for many of my constituents, offering vital access to health care, education and employment opportunities”. Wow, this seems a lot to ask of a twin engine turbo prop 30 seater. I’m not sure how it’s going to manage all this, even if it does turn up.
Cynicism aside, let’s say thanks to St Maree and the Godfather, and a few unnamed others, for fighting our case in Holyrood. This air link lifeline, dodgy as it might seem, is preserved for at least another year and yes, it’s surely just a coincidence that there’s an election next year.
It brings immense comfort to Caithnessians to know that when the rail track at Portgower finally gets washed into the North Sea, cutting us off from the rest of the UK; or the A9 north of Inverness finally disappears into a giant pothole causing immense disruption; or Scrabster village finally slides down the cliff in a torrent of mud, rocks and dead sheep thus cutting off the ferry link to Stromness for weeks or months, the cry will go up: “Don’t panic, who needs a road, a railway or a ferry? We’ve still got the plane to Aberdeen! Hooray, we’re saved!!”
Indeed. After all, it’s endorsed by the “SNP Scottish Government”, as St Maree refers to it, and the Godfather and his lackeys in Inverness. What could possibly go wrong?
P.S. Why can’t the Loganair plane from Edinburgh to the Orkneys stop off at Wick?
Ian McElroy
Heathfield Road
Thurso
ONLINE VIEWS
Highland councillor objects to proposed 21.7 per cent pay hike
I am definitely not impressed with the council’s performance. I think an increase of 0.5 per cent above CPI is a fair increase.
M MacKenzie
Thrumster
Can’t believe this massive payrise, yet our roads are terrible, pensioners struggling with heating ,food etc. All councillors should think again, I can’t wait to see what happens when voting comes around. Rents increased, poll tax [sic] increased. I think they should start listening to the public, unreal.
Hymie Sutherland
Wick
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