AS many women in their thirties know, it is your fate to be surrounded by babies and pregnant women as biological clocks go into overdrive, single women grab men off the street and run them down the aisle, and every second question is "when is it due?" or "are you having another?"
When I worked from home in Caithness with a magazine based in London, I was regarded as an oddity for being married with children before my forties. But in Caithness, had I been single and childless in my thirties that would have gone down like a lead balloon. I suspect there is much the same treatment given to single men of that age or older.
It seems that despite the so-called sexual revolution there is no choice left as those women who decided to have a career are still expected to produce and care for a family as well as have a good job, which is not an easy balance to strike.
Meanwhile, men are in something of a limbo land where they are sought after for their sperm and then immediately shunned in favour of baby care by their tired, irritable partners.
Having a baby when over 35 or 40 is on the increase in the UK and, of course, there are now self-help books available to guide you through this, detailing the benefits of hypnotherapy, how to view the excruciatingly painful birth process as a positive bonus to cheer about, and the usual guff from so-called pregnancy gurus (eh?).
I'm sure Gina Ford would have something to say about "older" mothers but if it's anything like the army camp for newborns she promotes in her other books, I'll give it a wide berth.
THE rather corny title of Right Time Baby; The Complete Guide to Later Motherhood (Hay House, 12.99) has been written by Claudia Spahr. The blurb which goes along with the book says that nearly a quarter of all women in the UK are having babies after 35 and the conception rate for women over 40 years old has doubled in the past 10 years. If these statistics are correct then maybe, over time, we will stop regarding women who are pregnant over the age of 35 as people who are having babies late.
Ms Spahr says: "Suddenly you're in your mid-thirties and it's time to procreate simply because everyone says you should get a move on. That perfect window of opportunity for a baby has been and gone and your body is already on the downward spiral allegedly. Time is ticking.
"Panic sets in. You and your ovaries are getting old. You might have a partner or husband, but he's still not ready. So what do you do? Dump him and find someone else? You might be single and looking, but the best guys are either taken or running from you. Did anyone think of telling them to hurry up and find a nice woman to shack up and breed with?"
Ms Spahr has tried to cover all the bases with her book, which she says contains information from the latest research in cell biology, IVF, foetal origins, quantum physics and neuroscience. Quantum physics is a more appealing subject than searing pain and months of acute exhaustion, I suppose.
However, the blurb goes on to say that the book also contains "contemporary ideas from psychology and nutrition" which is enough to have me running for the hills, but you can't have everything from one guidebook, I suppose.
The author makes the point: "I wrote this book with one main goal: to empower women to embrace motherhood positively, regardless of their age."
So if this book breaks down some barriers about older mothers then it must be worth a read if you are starting to have a family at 35 years old or later.
THERE is undoubtedly prejudice out there for older parents but it may not be any worse than the everyday pressure that any mother feels. Perhaps older mothers have the advantage of being able to dismiss a lot of the competitive rhetoric about child development and fads about parenting.
Ms Spahr goes on to make an argument for delaying childbearing until women are older, saying: "Life experience transfers well to mothering skills; you have more stability, confidence and patience. Increased life expectancy means you should be around long enough to watch your children grow old themselves.
"Most of us are vibrant and energetic well into our forties. Definitely not too old to do what we always thought we would one day: get pregnant and have a healthy baby.
"Or, you may already have children maybe from an earlier relationship and worry that it will be different this time because you're older."
The rise in divorce will also affect the statistics on women's childbearing age as some will decide, as Spahr highlights, that they will have children with a new partner.
According to website Mothers 35 Plus (www.mothers35plus.co.uk), between 2008 and 2009 the largest percentage increase in conception rates occurred among women aged 30 to 34 and 35 to 39, rising by 3.5 per cent and 3.4 per cent respectively. There was a smaller increase, 1.6 per cent, in conception rates for women aged 40 and over. "During the last two decades the number of live births to mothers aged 40 and over has nearly trebled from 9336 in 1989 to 26,976 in 2009," it says.
This changing picture is not just one about women the website highlights figures from the UK Office for National Statistics which show there are now more older fathers than ever before.
Since 1980, there has been about a 40 per cent increase in the number of men between 35 and 50 fathering children and a 20 per cent decrease in the number of fathers under 30. This huge increase in older fathers has been largely ignored by the media. This website contains some useful information for mothers and fathers who are 35 and over but, be warned, there is a less mainstream aspect to it. The site contains placenta recipes. For those of you with a delicate constitution, look away now.
It states: "Most women will probably be aware of the age-old rumour that some mothers reputedly enjoy tucking into a nourishing meal of placenta after giving birth. Indeed it is commonplace for some cultures and, of course, many of our friends in the animal kingdom have always enjoyed it.
"However, to your average discerning human being it still doesn't seem that appealing a prospect. In the Western world it is accepted, although unproven, that eating placenta will reduce the risk of postnatal depression. This is because the organ is rich in minerals and vitamins, particularly B6, which can help to fight depression."
The website goes on to relate a story about the Broadcasting Standards Commission, which judged that a TV programme breached convention after an episode screened in February 1998 showed a mother preparing and eating placenta pt to celebrate her daughter's birth. The offending placenta, it says, was fried with shallots and garlic, flambed, pured and served on focaccia bread.
The recipes featured on the website are: roast placenta, placenta cocktail, placenta lasagne, and placenta spaghetti Bolognese.
And if that's not to your taste it says you can fertilise your garden with it or make artistic prints.
n Corrina Thomson can be contacted via Facebook
